i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
