Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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