Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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