You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
