She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
