Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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