Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
