I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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