ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
