Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
