How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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