PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
