This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
