I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he shaved USA in his pubs
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
