I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
