the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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