I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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