some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
