I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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