I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
