this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
