Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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