you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
