Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
