At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
