Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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