Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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