So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
