so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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