I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
