i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
