My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
