Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I party with great urgency now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
