My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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