Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
