Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
