i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sober January is a disaster.
organizing the empties. That sober.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
