They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
