I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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