R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude. I can hear the air.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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