margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
