A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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