What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
