Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When did angry sex become our thing?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
