i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How naked do you want me to be?
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