I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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