Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
