porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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