READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
