He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
