no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
