Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
